Divorce and family separation can sometimes bring out the worse in people. Some people consider that the situation in which they find themselves justifies deception and lies. You may have to re-think how you deal with the person you once loved and may indeed still do so and who once loved you.
These notes give guidelines based on the recommendations of the Good Practice Committee of the Solicitors Family Association (SFLA) now known as Resolution, which we hope you might find helpful.
1. If love has gone from a relationship substitute with politeness
2. Be sceptical – what is said may be intended to deceive you or may be self-deception.
3. If in doubt keep your cards close to your chest and be careful of your words
4. Walk away from arguments or conflict
5. Expect your Spouse to resent your Solicitor and to attempt to undermine his or her advice and your confidence in him or her
6. Be aware that entering into private negotiations without your Solicitor’s prior knowledge and advice may prejudice your situation.
7. Do not make agreements or sign anything without talking to your Solicitor first.
8. When in doubt believe your Solicitor not your spouse, your Solicitor is on your side.
9. Your Solicitor is keener to settle rather than litigate provided a reasonable settlement can be obtained for you. Your spouse may not believe this.
10. Feel free to use your Solicitor as a buffer by saying “talk to your Solicitor or have him talk to mine”. You will rarely be criticised for incurring costs in this way.
11. Remember the most important people at this time are your children, if you have any. Even if you cannot get on as husband and wife, do make every effort to get on as Mother and Father.
12. Do not discuss or talk about the divorce in front of the children unless you can do it together with them or agree what each of you must say.
13. Do not criticise your spouse or their new partner to the children whatever your views may be, let them form their own views.
14. Be prepared to compromise
15. If necessary arrange for your post to be redirected until the conclusion of the case so that it will not be intercepted by your spouse if you are still living together.
16. Do not keep any files in connection with your case anywhere your spouse may find them enabling them to be aware of your strategy.
17. Do not agree to sell the matrimonial home without first discussing it with your Solicitor.
18. Do not assume that your Solicitor receives copies of all correspondence, legal pleadings or notices that you may receive in the post or from the Court. On receiving them contact your Solicitor immediately and sent copies
19. Assume that all information you have about your circumstances and those of your spouse are relevant unless your Solicitor tells you otherwise.
20. Do not be intimidated by your spouse if an ultimatum or deadline is given to you to accept or reject an offer. Avoid negotiating with a gun to your head as to time. It is frequently the case that a better offer one may be available, or if not the Court will decide the appropriate and fair settlement for you.
